Man, I’m the worst person to ask about this sort of thing.
I guess the very first thing is to try to gently learn more about the animals, I used to be scared of spiders and other bugs as a kid but the more I learned about them, the less frightening they were!
Also, as a general thing (I don’t know you anon and idk if you’re already aware of this but putting this out there anyway) spiders generally don’t bite you unless you’re small enough to be a prey item, and most of the time, spiders are timid and go out of their way to avoid people if they can. There’s a lot of misinformation about the effects of spider venom but no information about how to prevent being bitten (much like avoiding wasp stings but that’s a whole different story). [cw: images of spiders in links] here’s a Wired article about recluse spider bites. Another article about misidentified bites. Another post on recluse spider bites, with more sources.
Recluses, like nearly all spiders, bite only as a last resort when completely cornered - bites generally occur when a spider is accidentally caught in someone’s clothing or bedsheets, for example - and even then, they often deliver a “dry” bite without injecting venom.
But if you do get bitten, go see a doctor, much like you’d do in any other medical situation when there’s a possibility of your health being at risk.
One of the things that makes me happy is when people are aware of their phobia and respect spiders as living creatures. So if there’s someone less frightened of spiders, ask them to safely remove the spider to a location where they don’t give you trouble. Usually a glass and some flat surface like paper to place on the glass and some patience helps.
Don’t have much else to add here, hoping if other folks could add some input? I hope your journey goes well!
First, like Spoon said, learn more about spiders. Try looking at pictures of spiders - jumping spiders are the easiest for spider-phobes to look at I’ve found, since they have two big friendly eyes and round fuzzy bodies and legs and can be quite cute and inquisitive.
Then, when you see a spider in real life, move so you feel like you are a safe distance away from the spider but can still sort of see it. As Spoon said, spiders are generally not dangerous, I just mean what FEELS safe. Try to edge just a little bit closer to the spider if you feel ready to and observe it doin’ it’s thing.
If you tend to fight your fear or berate yourself, try just observing your fear in yourself, like if you were a telepath observing your own mind. Let it exist, let it pass.
Stop doing any of these things if you become extremely upset and go reward yourself with something nice and relaxing like pictures of trees or kitten videos or a nice book.
Also avoid people who “help” you by startling you with spiders, or people who laugh at your reaction and won’t apologize for doing so. They are not helping at all.
Since spider phobias are common you may observe someone else freaking out. Try your best not to get sucked into their reaction. Focus on sympathizing with them for being afraid, rather than agreeing that what they are afraid of is scary (you both agreeing can make the fear seem more legitimate to both of you) - don’t mention that, just say you understand their fear. Also of course don’t say things like “it’s just a spider” or put them down for being afraid, but you probably already know that doesn’t help!
Some good mantras to remember when faced with a spider:
"it is a living thing, like a bird or a flower, and I respect life."
"It doesn’t want to hurt me, it just wants to live its little spider life."
"I am not bad or silly for being afraid, phobias have nothing to do with logic."
Well, “now” implies it’s new or constant, which it isn’t really. It IS a metaphor, but it’s still canon to the character. Also it’s not just her neck.